Has someone else gone through this?

Music has a way of describing exactly how I feel. Every stinking time. I have found 3 songs that I just LOVE right now.

1. Everybody Has Somebody But Me - Hunter Hayes
2. Unconditionally - Katy Perry
3. Classic - MKTO

These three songs are just fabulous.

The first one is just how I feel. Not to be depressing, but I really want to have someone who loves me... It sure seems like everyone else has somebody and I miss my used to be somebody. The video is really cute, and I'm glad I came across this song(: .
Number 2 is how I feel about my boy of choice. I don't think that he knows it, but it never mattered to me, I love him anyway and I think if he knew that that our relationship would have ended better for me. (the video is weird at the end, so I would recommend watching a lyric video that is NOT made by Katy Perry, that one was weird too - I wish I hadn't watched it).
Classic is the way that I want someone to feel about me... to love me because I am me, a unique human that has her own quirks and oddities. I try not to be too weird.  This video is also cute and how girls wish guys would feel.

So in order to be more social and maybe find someone to love, I am going to the SINGLES WARD! I am really excited because I'm sticking around this time and am going to be a good person and try to meet lots of people because I want somebody for reals not just because I'm lonely - stranger things have happened.

Goodbye to Love

Today I told the only guy I love goodbye. For good this time. He didn't care and he doesn't care about me.

I am broken. I have a shattered heart and I want to find the man that can mend it because I won't be able to deal with another heartbreak.

I wanted him to come back. I want him to tell me that he still loves me and that we can fix what we had, that we can start over again. But I know that is never going to happen. I just wish he knew that my feelings haven't changed, no matter how much he has.

Thoughts of the Past

Post I wrote yesterday but didn't have the guts to publish.

Today I was driving home from taking Andrew to the train station a song came on the radio that made me cry.

What About Now by Daughtry
Here are some selected parts that struck a chord with me and caused tears to come to my eyes over a past relationship that I am having a VERY hard time getting over. I know I need to but I'm scared of the unknown (and getting hurt again, I don't think I could handle it).

Shadows fill an empty heart
As love is fading,
From all the things that we are
But are not saying.
. . .
Change the colors of the sky.
And open up to
The ways you made me feel alive,
The ways I loved you.
 . . . 
What if you're making me all that I was meant to be?
What if our love never went away?
What if it's lost behind words we could never find?
Baby, before it's too late,
What about now?
. . .

Then I was on Facebook and a quote popped up in my news feed that was the complete opposite of what I was feeling: "God will sometimes end a relationship to protect you ... so stop trying to chase after the person he's trying to save you from," -Trent Shelton. 

The last few weeks, people have been telling me that the guy I have strong feelings for has changed, that he isn't the same person he was 7 months ago. That I'm better off without him and I'll be happier. So just over a month ago I told myself that they were right, that I need to forget him, this started with not texting him (I kinda did it to see if he'd notice) so a month and a week went by and I didn't contact him at all. He didn't notice, well he never texted me or anything, so I assume that he has forgotten about me. I broke today - I texted him 2 letters, Hi. He texted me back, but I never answered, and I don't plan on it because I regret sending that stupid text. I am convinced that now I am mostly over him. Pay attention to the word mostly. This kind of leads to something else that came up today.

A friend of mine posted about  being broken, and how it's okay to be a little broken and how everyone is at least a little bit. This made me realize that for a long time, I have taken the attitude that just because something is a little broken that you don't completely give up on it, so that is how I saw him. He's a little (or a lot) broken, but that doesn't make him unlovable or not worth the time. I think that some people just are too broken within themselves that they can't see what they are really worth, that they are a loved child if God and that they are worth everything, there isn't anything that makes them have any less worth in the eyes of our Heavenly Father. So I try to see people that way for the most part (there are some that are harder than others).

This is big for me, and I think that I am ready to move one but the feelings of the past came so strongly and it made me ache so much for the simplicity of the past.

The End? This is a Short one.

Hello All!

I am not sure whether to continue writing this blog because since I am home I'm not really on an "adventure" anymore.

Then I thought of this -  I'm now starting on this new chapter in my life, so maybe I'll just continue this as my adventure into true adulthood and just make sure to include a post that talks about my new adventure that I am going on. Yeah, I like that. I'm so smart *not* but this idea works for me. Agreed? Let me know! :)

Flaws? Yes.

Today has just been one of those days that I have thought a lot about the flaws that I have. I had this thought that I am not perfect, and the flaws far outweigh the good things. I went to the beach today,thinking it would be a fun thing to do in the midst of finals - I just up and decided it. So I didn't prepare or put on sunscreen. I got extremely toasted - it doesn't hurt me, but I am cold and tired, but most other people have noticed... it is a little embarrassing. In any case, I thought that  I would write down the things that I don't like about myself (mostly physical) that I fully intend are changing, but haven't had the encouragement to yet.

I'm saying all of this because since summer is coming, although I will have work, I believe that I will have more time to actually exercise and get to the place that I want to be (physically as well as spiritually, don't worry)

I don't like my teeth - they aren't super bad from the front, but any other angle and they look really yucky. I want braces SO bad but I don't know if it will ever actually happen.
I don't like my abdominal area. There's fat there and it stops me from wearing some clothes that are really cute because they make my fat do weird things.
I don't like my legs. They're fat and I hate them, especially my thighs - I do intend on making them smaller because I need new jeans and I don't want to buy more just to have them get baggy eventually.
I don't like my upper arms. They're jiggly and I miss back in my senior year when they were pretty darn toned for me.
I don't really like my bum. Its kinda big and it makes skirts hard to wear because they're always higher in the back than the front.
I dislike my hips. They're really wide and it makes buying pants and skirts difficult. I've been told that I can fix that too, but I don't know how.

There are also personality traits that drive me insane, but I just don't know what to do about them.

I watch too much TV and don't get things done. Seriously, if I have things to do I WILL leave it until the last minute, sometimes it turns out okay, other times not so much.
I love the sun and being outside, but the sun hates me.
I also read too much. When I get a book there's a part of my brain that thinks that I have to finish it in a day (unless its either a bad book then I take it back, or its just boring)
I hold on to things for WAAAYYY too long. I don't get over liking someone and it causes me pain and then I'm sad a lot of the time.
I make decisions that I regret in emotionalness or anger - a lot. I do things that I don't mean to do and think to myself "why did I do that".
I also like people really fast, and I always like the completely wrong person. I realize this now, and it probably will be the reason that I'm going to be single for my whole life.
When I'm sad I listen to sad songs that make me cry because when I was younger I never cried, so somehow I think I can makeup for all the years of dry eyes.

So overall, I just don't understand why anyone can even think of me in anything but a negative way because there are so many bad things about me than good things. If I knew myself I think I would hate myself . . . and I don't know what to do about it.

Now that I think, there are a few things I like about myself:
My eyes, they're pretty and blue. My wrists, they're small, bony and dainty. My collarbone, it is not covered in fat. My feet, they're not too big and not too small. My height, I can date almost guy and he'll most likely be taller than me.

That's all for now.

If you're reading this and you didn't get to it through Facebook, props to you.

PCC - Polynesian Culture Center

Yay! Touristy day!

So this past Saturday my roomie and  I, Litia, went to PCC (Polynesian Culture Center). I went way back in September, but it was during orientation and I didn't get to see much of the village so I wanted to go back. We did, and it was SO fun. I am so glad that she went with me and sacrificed her Saturday to have fun with moi! So here are some pictures! Yeah for pictures!

Just an FYI - these are not in chronological order, just random pictures from the day. The captions are below the pictures, in case you get confused - enjoy!

So this is us in front of the waterfall that you pass right when you actually enter the village (and it is edited,  I am NOT that tan (or orange ;) ). We took this right at the beginning and it started a whole round of pictures.

Who likes canoe rides? We do! Well, I do. This is us on the big canoe ride, we weren't sitting next to each other because there were 2 seats open and they weren't next to each other, but it is A-Okay! I had fun, its a nice way to see a lot of the village without walking around for hours or seeing very much. But fun nonetheless.

Tonga Village! The Tonga show is easily the funniest of thole park, they get"volunteer" drummers (a white guy, and black guy and and Asian guy[not racist] - this was the line up for both times that I went.) They are just so entertaining and I was like falling over with laughter.

Lunch! Cost twice what we paid to get in :0. It was a "barbecue" pork sandwich which ended up just being really salty Kalua pork (we should have just gotten one sandwich.) I also got a fruit cup and Litia got fries, which were surprisingly delicious! It decided to rain quite heavily while we were eating which was pretty darn great timing because were were under an albeit leaky umbrella but an umbrella, and after we ate we resumed viewing the village.

Awkward Dark picture! This was us in the Hawaiian Experience thingy. Its just a movie about Hawaii and it was enjoyable I guess and the chairs moved and sprayed stuff on you! I wouldn't say it was the most fun 20 minutes of my life, but I hadn't gotten to go in September, so I wanted to experience everything.

In the Fiji village (where we hit bamboo sticks on the ground and they made cool sounds), we got the black paint! The one I got is the navigator one (there's stars!), and I got it on my ankle instead of my arm like last time. I'm a little childish, but that's okay :). 

So there you are! My awesome experience kinda of PCC. I'm trying to be a good blogger and actually blog about things that are happening in my life, I'm slowly improving.

I've Been Dreaming . . .

 . . . of a true love's kiss! And the prince I'm hoping comes with this!  :) Name that movie

Okay, so that's a interesting title, right? So while I've been at college, something has been brought to my mind. Kissing. Weird, I know, but I was talking with a friend last night and we were talking about relationships and dating. I realized that I don't do relationships very lightly. I didn't kiss anyone until I was almost 18 (the same time I had my first boyfriend - who was my first kiss), and still, I was dating him for a couple months before it even happened, and quite frankly I regret that kiss. I should have waited longer (or just had a brain and never kissed him in the first place - sorry...). Then when I got another boyfriend rather quickly, it took a seemingly  LONG time for that kiss to happen (this one I was SO excited for because I really really liked him and I wanted to kiss him). And with that relationship it lasted nearly a year, but that's a completely different matter.

Any who, wilst talking to her she said that she would kiss someone she knew pretty easily. That surprised me because I am so not casual about kissing and I think that it should be reserved for committed relationships. I'm not sure why I have this idea, but I stand by it. Then today I was talking to another friend and she mentioned that she had kissed this guy, which surprised me a little (but not in a bad way, don't worry - you know who you are ;) ). I then said that I haven't kissed anyone since I started college, which kind of makes me sad because even though I hate being single - probably because I wasn't single for such a long time - I'm not going to get into a relationship quickly just so I don't have to be single anymore.

So I want to know, do YOU  think that kissing should be reserved for a serious relationship or if its okay if you kiss people that you know really well but aren't necessarily in a relationship with, and have no intentions to? Please let me know, and I am really curious about all you married people's opinions out there! :)

Can we just talk about food?

This post is about . . . yep, you guessed it . . . food!

This is something that I think about quite often, no, I do not have any disorders, but I think that it is something that I think about almost more than anything else. These last couple weeks have NOT been good for me food wise. I go to the cafeteria and I simply don't have any appetite for the food that is there, I am just  SO sick of it. The thing that has kind of sustained me this week is blueberry bagels with cream cheese. Wow, I have NEVER really liked blueberries, but I tried it one day (they were out of plain bagels) and I liked it surprisingly enough. Most often I'll go in, get a plate and eat it and leave. I don't really mind, until its like 11 at night and I'm hungry. I used to have a bunch of snacks in my room, but they are all gone now and I haven't bought any more because I'm leaving in a week, so there's no point.

Today I have been pondering about how excited I am to have real food when I get home! I won't have to eat cafeteria food again! WOO HOO! I am also excited to cook! Its such a hassle here, so I am psyched to make meals that taste good and are healthier as well. At first I didn't mind, but after a while I just dread going into that darn cafeteria (except for breakfast because their breakfasts are awesome!).

So yes, I like food and I am so excited to eat real food!