Thoughts of the Past

Post I wrote yesterday but didn't have the guts to publish.

Today I was driving home from taking Andrew to the train station a song came on the radio that made me cry.

What About Now by Daughtry
Here are some selected parts that struck a chord with me and caused tears to come to my eyes over a past relationship that I am having a VERY hard time getting over. I know I need to but I'm scared of the unknown (and getting hurt again, I don't think I could handle it).

Shadows fill an empty heart
As love is fading,
From all the things that we are
But are not saying.
. . .
Change the colors of the sky.
And open up to
The ways you made me feel alive,
The ways I loved you.
 . . . 
What if you're making me all that I was meant to be?
What if our love never went away?
What if it's lost behind words we could never find?
Baby, before it's too late,
What about now?
. . .

Then I was on Facebook and a quote popped up in my news feed that was the complete opposite of what I was feeling: "God will sometimes end a relationship to protect you ... so stop trying to chase after the person he's trying to save you from," -Trent Shelton. 

The last few weeks, people have been telling me that the guy I have strong feelings for has changed, that he isn't the same person he was 7 months ago. That I'm better off without him and I'll be happier. So just over a month ago I told myself that they were right, that I need to forget him, this started with not texting him (I kinda did it to see if he'd notice) so a month and a week went by and I didn't contact him at all. He didn't notice, well he never texted me or anything, so I assume that he has forgotten about me. I broke today - I texted him 2 letters, Hi. He texted me back, but I never answered, and I don't plan on it because I regret sending that stupid text. I am convinced that now I am mostly over him. Pay attention to the word mostly. This kind of leads to something else that came up today.

A friend of mine posted about  being broken, and how it's okay to be a little broken and how everyone is at least a little bit. This made me realize that for a long time, I have taken the attitude that just because something is a little broken that you don't completely give up on it, so that is how I saw him. He's a little (or a lot) broken, but that doesn't make him unlovable or not worth the time. I think that some people just are too broken within themselves that they can't see what they are really worth, that they are a loved child if God and that they are worth everything, there isn't anything that makes them have any less worth in the eyes of our Heavenly Father. So I try to see people that way for the most part (there are some that are harder than others).

This is big for me, and I think that I am ready to move one but the feelings of the past came so strongly and it made me ache so much for the simplicity of the past.